What if they had stayed?
by aforeveryoung
Summary: This is a story told from the point of view of Tris. It's about what would have happened if she had chosen Abnegation.


_Sometimes old dreams have to die to make new ones a reality. Sometimes the old parts of us must die so that we can become the people we were destined to be. Sometimes we have to be so much more than we are if we ever want to be something we aren't. Sometimes we must give up everything we've ever loved if we want to embrace the new things we love. Sometimes it's hard. No. It is always hard. I know this first hand. And I am not brave enough to face that kind of uncertainty. _

_Sometimes we must watch as every single one of our hopes die if we want to make the people we love happy. I must give up my dream for my parents. And in doing this, I make myself selfless. This ultimate sacrifice only proves even more that I belong here, in Abnegation, in the warm embrace of my loving parents. In the smile in my brother's eyes. In the eager anticipation of a life that will be happy, safe, and friendly. I will never worry about anything, because if I'm not worried about myself and my own needs, what is their to be scared of? Nothing. There is nothing to be scared of._

A bird chirps through my window and I feel happy for a moment. The sun is shining brightly today and it seems way too pleasant for it to be Choosing Day. This day should be dark and ominous. But it is selfish of me to think that the whole world should be upset just because I am. That is selfish, and more than anything, I do not want to be selfish.

I quickly change into my standard gray clothes. Gray tunic, gray tank top underneath, grey pants, grey sock, and grey shoes. No jewelry no accessories, no make-up. This is the life of a selfless person, bland and boring. I twist my hair into a ponytail as I walk down the stairs of our two story house. The walls are white with no decorations. I sit down at a plain brown table and eat plain oatmeal. Some think Abnegation life is boring, dull, and even meaningless. But I think it is comforting.

As I sit in my front yard waiting for Caleb to go to school, I see Tobias walking out if his house. His hair is a mess, so unlike the standard Abnegation short hair, and his dark blue eyes are gleaming with sunlight. He looks the same as he does every morning: beautiful and in pain, like a butterfly with a broken wing. Yet there is always something strong and determined about him, like he isn't going to give up. Give up on what, I don't know.

"I love you," I whisper, "You just don't know it." For as long as I can remember I have loved him, but he doesn't know that, and if I were to have it my way he never would.

He suddenly turns to face me and my heart skips a beat. Did he hear me? No, that's impossible. If he did, by some horrible miracle, he doesn't say or do anything in response. He just looks at me with what can only be described as a gentle brooding. I know it's an odd thing to think about someone, a weird contradiction, but that's Tobias for you. Everything in one. A hurricane and a calm ocean. A quiet soul and the outgoing, poster boy for Abnegation his council father raised him to be.

Our eyes meet and he gives a short wave before quickly walking inside. He looks like he'd like to run, but of course that's not allowed in Abnegation. Kids can get away with it, the occasional initiate, but Tobias is already a full-blown member of Abnegation and a council member in training. But that's just wonderful. Eye contact with me makes him want to run.

"Are you ready Beatrice? " Caleb says as he walks out briskly with a smile on his face. I would be happy too if I knew what to do with my life. It's more than just that though; Caleb is always happy and caring.

"Yes brother." We start off down the path to the bus stop passing a bunch of houses that all look like ours, no difference besides the number on the side of them. "What do you know about Tobias?"

"It's rude to pry into people's lives, Beatrice." My brother says calmly, never missing a step, never faltering in his tone.

"I wasn't prying, it was just a question" Why can't my brother understand that it's impossible to be perfect all the time?

"Why are you asking?"  
"Because he's been our neighbor for eighteen years and I don't even know anything about him" I try to act calm as I come up with a horrible excuse as to why I'm suddenly asking about Tobias. My brother would probably have a heart attack if I told him the real reason, _Oh I'm only asking because I'm in love with him, that's all._

"I honestly don't know that much. He's basically what everyone thinks he is, perfect. Well, not entirely. I have heard some rumors". Caleb? Rumors? This doesn't add up at all.

"Caleb, _please_, what do _you_ know about rumors?" I say sarcastically as I roll my eyes. The only thing my brother knows about rumors is why he doesn't like them.

"I'm not as out of the loop as you think. I've just heard some stuff that might indicate that Tobias isn't the selfless, gorgeous Abnegation leader-in-training you and every other Abnegation girl over fourteen has let herself believe" He rolls his eyes in return and I am too shocked to say anything. This is a side of my brother I have never seen before. And how long has he known that I find Tobias handsome?

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Just don't let yourself get played Beatrice." His eyes suddenly switch to the brother I know so well, sympathetic and selfless.

"Again, Caleb, I have to ask what you mean." Why can't he just get to the point? He never dallies like this.

"I know you find him attractive, Beatrice. Like I said, every Abnegation girl over fourteen does. But, he's not perfect, nobody is. Please remember that."

We've reached the bus stop and as he walks on and sits next to his Abnegation I know that this topic of conversation is over. Not just for right now, for forever. And that's fine by me, Caleb has only made things that much more confusing. Obviously Tobias isn't perfect but is he involved in things other than the peaceful affairs of leading the city? I can't imagine him being a part of anything dangerous or bad.


End file.
